Healthy Role Models - A Child’s Shelter From the Storm
By
Dr. Lorraine Cassista

     Who did you admire as you were growing up? What influences did these people have on you? Chances are, if you had good role models, you developed a sense of values which helped you determine where you were headed, what was important to you, and how to distinguish right from wrong. Your heroes tell a story about you. Do you know who your children’s heroes or role models are? What kind of role model are you?

     Having healthy, strong role models provides children with consistent principles to follow, helps them determine how they feel about life and where they fit in. Children have the need for adult role models who can instill in them the confidence that they can distinguish right from wrong and good from bad. They adopt family standards and values by observing and listening to the people who are important to them. Helping your children clarify their values will enable them to successfully guide their behavior. Children and adults who have not had good role models often have difficulty identifying their own values, preventing them from reaching their full potential.

     Good role models help fill the need for a sense of order. Children need to know what is expected of them and know the rewards or consequences of their behavior. They need to feel that they can learn and should be provided with the means to do so. Having good role models usually provides children with a good sense of uniqueness and a foundation for values and beliefs that will guide them toward good decision making and a useful purpose in life.

     At very young ages, children tend to admire the people who are closest to them, parents, siblings and teachers, especially those of the opposite sex. Preschoolers and early elementary school children may favor TV and other super-hero characters. Between the ages of 8 and 10, children often choose someone of the same sex to model. If you are the parent of a same sex child, this is the best time for you to influence your child by being a positive role model. The need for an appropriate same-sex model is so strong at this age, if one is not available the youngster will seek one outside the family. Its’ no wonder that 8 to 10 year olds find comic book heroes so appealing. They have all the traits the child would like to have for his or her own self-respect. Traits such as power, physical strength, wisdom, control and invincibility that they themselves would like to possess can be experienced through the lives of the characters.

     Older children and teenagers often admire people outside of the home, such as athletes, rock stars, movie stars or other famous people because of qualities they possess that intrigue them and would like to possess themselves. As adults, we tend to recognize those people who have made a difference in our lives or in the lives of others.

     Children learn best by example. When your behavior does not match what you say, your child gets conflicting messages and, rightfully, gets confused. A daughter learns from her mother what it means to be a woman based on the mother’s attitudes toward the role of womanhood. Likewise, sons learn from the attitudes of fathers about being a man. The parents’ attitude about the opposite sex may also affect the child’s beliefs about their future role as a man or woman.

     What if a hero falls from grace? Discuss it with your child and reassure him of the goodness in people. Point out everyone makes mistakes and it takes courage to admit them. Talk to you children about what they admire most in other people and let them know what you value most. Take advantage of the time spent reading books, watching movies or TV together to discuss the morals and values presented. Share what you believe with your children and help them make sense of what they see. Good role models can help us set goals, learn about teamwork, teach us about courage and determination, and give the hope that we, too, can make it in this sometimes frightening world.