Love Brings Us Together
By
Dr. Lorraine Cassista

     Healthy relationships contribute to both a healthy mind and body. Valentine’s Day reminds us of romantic love whereby we want to be struck by Cupid’s arrow and fall hopelessly in love. In order for love to be healthy, it needs to be more than just a romantic notion. I think the country song by Clint Black states it very well, “Love isn’t someplace we fall, it’s something that we do”. Love is word of action, a powerful emotion that can heal many wounds from individuals to nations.

     There is supporting scientific evidence that strong relationships with family and friends can help prevent disease and increase your chances of recovering from a severe illness. Several long-term studies have concluded that people who have strong social ties to family and/or friends have a much better chance of staying healthy and staying alive, particularly those people, men or women, suffering heart problems. Partners in a good marriage have healthier immune systems than those involved in poor quality marriages. A troubled marriage or a divorce can have harmful physical effects. Supportive, close relationships have links to both health and happiness. We are social beings and keeping ties to the outside world via friends, family and co-workers fulfills our need to belong.

     What makes love enduring and what are the qualities of lasting relationships? Some of the key ingredients are trust, mutual respect, and honest, clear communication. Trust is what builds confidence in a relationship and without it, there can be no healthy relationship. Respect needs to be for oneself as well as for the other. Honesty is critical to building trust and maintaining respect. In addition to being able to put your thoughts and feelings into words, a key factor in clear communication is active listening, something more of us should do. People who have good relationships with others spend a lot of time listening, not just talking. Knowing you have heard what they said without judgment validates them and the relationship.

     We need to remember that love begins with us. We need to love others as we do ourselves. Self-love is not the same as self-esteem, which is how we feel about ourselves, nor is it narcissism. It is a healthy dose of self-acceptance and acknowledgment. By being able to love and accept ourselves, we can move on to love and accept others. That is not to say we no longer strive to improve ourselves. Quite the contrary, by giving ourselves the gift of love, we allow ourselves to have imperfections and look for ways to empower ourselves despite those imperfections. In his book, Further Along the Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck says “Self-love implies the care, respect, and responsibility for and the knowledge of the self. Without loving one’s self one cannot love others.”

     Love is based on the premise that all people are significant and deserve our attention and care. Therefore those people we choose to have even greater significance in our lives through meaningful relationships deserve more than just a fleeting skirt with Cupid’s arrow. A strong, healthy relationship requires commitment, a promise or pledge to another to be there through thick and thin. In all relationships, it is love, to some degree or another, that brings us together.