In Search of Values
By
Dr. Lorraine Cassista

     In this very confusing world we are forced every day to make choices, big and small, about how we live our lives. The decisions we make are based on our values, those qualities we esteem to be of worth. Unfortunately, many of us are not clear on just what our values are. Areas of confusion and conflict may include religion, love and sex, relationships, politics, school, rules and authority, work, culture, health, aging, death, and money, just to name a few. For our young people, the process of establishing values is even more confusing in an age when there are more choices than ever in a sometimes seemingly valueless society.

     Values shape our destiny and dictate our behavior. They provide us with the foundation for our self-esteem, spiritual development, capacity to make decisions, and form the core of our character. What is important to you? What do you stand for? Do you have a strong grasp of your values and live by them? Right now make a list of your top ten values in the order of their importance. Can you do it? Many people will find it difficult. If you cannot name the values for which you stand then how can you effectively make decisions that will meet your emotional and physical needs? Think of values as your guide to the emotional state you desire, such as loving and being loved. Other values may help you achieve this state, such as the importance of family and friends. The order of their importance is different for everyone. Being clear on your values will help you understand why you do what you do.

     Living by your values means more than paying lip service to them. It means your actions must confirm your value system in order to avoid a dichotomy in what you say versus what you do. For instance, if you believe that stealing is dishonest then taking things home from work or wasting time at work because you work for a big company that makes a lot of money conflicts with what you say you believe. To avoid conflict, what we value must not oppose the naturals laws that govern our peace of mind and quality of life. If you eat well and exercise regularly trying to take care of your health, yet continue to smoke or drink excessively, you are living in an illusion. People who suffer from addictions of any kind also suffer from a lack of clarification of values. Addictions serve as a quick fix for the emotional void that is present from not living according to a clear known set of values. If you have ever had trouble making a decision, it was because you were not clear about what you valued most in the situation.

     When your values embody the principles of integrity, you are being true to yourself. Integrity requires moral reflection, being able to discern right from wrong, knowing the right thing and standing up for it. We need to remember that sometimes doing what we want may not always be what is right. In a society that encourages immediate self-gratification and lack of respect, the choices are often confusing. Respect is the special esteem or consideration in which one holds another person or thing. We as individuals must return to the natural laws of respect in our relationship with ourselves, others, work and our environment. If you respect others, they will like who they are when they are with you. In order to get respect, you must respect yourself by being true to your values. Being true to your values will move you toward self-understanding and insight. This will lead to true healing of your mind, body, and spirit.

     As we reflect on those who have gone before us this Memorial Day, let us also reflect on how we want to be, not only remembered after we die, but be known now for how we live.